I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Randomize
