Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
