I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
