nut hugger
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
