i barfeds in our rink
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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