She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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