i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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