a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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