Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
