Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You're like the curious george of whores
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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