I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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