some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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