Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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