That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My penis needs a shock collar
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
