1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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