I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
