well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
