There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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