omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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