You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
