I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
