Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Let's paint friendship bongs
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
