babies were throwing up all over the place
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
