then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
