Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
