she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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