Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
