At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
