Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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