did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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