he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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