dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
