I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
