Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
