Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
