Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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