Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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