I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
