Pants 0. Shit 1.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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