I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
