it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
