Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
