yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
