I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
