I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
