Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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