i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's never too late to be topless.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
