you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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