dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
