i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
3 2 1 whiskey
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
