think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
