Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
