I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
