fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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