Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
